Five Tips on How to Manage Difficult Clients
By One of the main duties of being a paralegal is meeting and communicating with clients. In some cases, the paralegal may be the point of contact and the person most familiar with the client. In my experience, I have found that people who decide to hire a lawyer do so because they have a problem or have been seriously wronged.
I don’t think most clients who decide to embark on their legal journey do so because they want to, which leaves the paralegal in the direct line of their frustration and many other unpleasant emotions about their situation. Since our job is to gather as much information as we can about the case and to stay in consistent contact with the client, we have no choice but to find ways to deal with the negative side of client interaction. Here are my top five tips on how to manage difficult clients.
1. Listen
It sounds simple, but it’s true. Sometimes, the root of the client’s difficult behavior is that they feel they haven’t been heard. If you make a habit of saying “tell me what is going on” and allow the client to talk, sometimes, they can work through what they were upset about. Acknowledge their feelings, because whatever the case may be, their feelings are real to them. I always keep in mind that some of these clients are dealing with trauma and grief. A simple Google search will tell you that the beginning stages of grief are denial and anger. Let them tell you everything. Expressing their grief verbally may help them process through these beginning stages. When I listen to their words, I am also documenting them and getting a deeper understanding of what they are going through and how the case is impacting their life. This is one of the best ways to gather information that will later be used in telling their story and will help the attorney to advocate for them.
2. Acknowledge, Don’t Respond
When a client is having difficulty, it is not always wise or necessary to respond. They could be trying to provoke a response from you. Don’t take the bait. Saying “I understand what you are saying, and I will let the attorney know” is sufficient, and it leaves little room for further conversation. Some people cannot be reasoned with, and that is a lesson I am just now understanding. I have this quote written on a Post-it note on my desk that says, “You cannot reason someone out of a position they did not arrive at through reason.” Acknowledge their feelings, but don’t always respond to them. If you choose not to engage with unreasonableness, there is a better chance they will return back to reason, as opposed to perpetuating or confirming their original position.
3. Be Consistent
Consistency builds trust between you and the client. If you start the relationship off by setting and meeting initial expectations and goals, the client will know they can rely on you. If you tell the client that you will find the answer to their question and call them back, do it. Even if you don’t have the answer, call them back and let them know that you don’t have the answer yet, but will let them know as soon as you do. Also, answer the phone when they call; don’t let it go to your voicemail if you can help it. If a client is calling you, they usually have something they want to ask or something important they want to tell you. Leaving a voicemail could cause anticipation that often leads to anxiety. Sometimes a client who seems needy benefits from having consistency in their communications with the legal team. Answer their call if at all possible, and you might avoid panic, neediness, and frustration later.
4. Establish Boundaries
It is easy to become a client’s emotional support, recipient of all their problems, and confidante. While it is important to listen, you can’t compromise your own personal boundaries. Boundaries come in many forms, and everyone has to determine for themselves what their boundaries are. If you have a client who keeps you on the phone even when you have tried to end the phone call several times, that might be a sign that they are crossing a boundary. Ending conversations is something that I personally find challenging, and as a result, I sometimes miss my lunch or am late to personal appointments. When this happens repeatedly, I start having a reaction when I see the caller ID and think about letting the call go to voicemail. It is mentally and emotionally draining because the client has crossed a personal boundary that I did not clearly define. As soon as I realize it’s going to be a long-winded call, I have recently begun letting the caller know that I have an appointment and putingt a time limit on the phone call. This has been helpful for me in keeping that boundary. Spending some time figuring out and establishing your own boundaries can help prevent burnout, which is common in this job.
5. Breathe
After you have had a difficult interaction with a client, one that leaves you a nervous wreck, frustrated, angry, and overwhelmed, put some space between you and the interaction. If you can physically step away for a few minutes, do it. Go for a walk, go in your car and scream, shake your fists at the sky, or whatever it takes to calm your nervous system down. Unfortunately, it is not always possible to physically step away from a situation. In this case, I use a technique known as four-fold breath or box breathing. With four-fold breath, you will inhale through the nose and mentally count to four, hold the breath and mentally count to four, then exhale, forming an “o” with your mouth like you are blowing through a straw, again mentally counting to four. You then repeat this cycle four times. I emphasize inhaling through the nose and exhaling through the mouth like you are blowing through a straw, because it is like letting the air out of a balloon. The tension subsides and brings you back to neutral.
The job of a paralegal is not for the faint of heart. It involves managing tough situations and clients, but we do it because we know this work serves a higher purpose. If you are called to be a paralegal like I am, you know how hard yet rewarding this work can be. I am glad to share these tips with you that have helped me navigate managing difficult clients, and hope they are helpful, or at the very least, proof that you aren’t the only one struggling through a situation with a difficult client.
Melissa Burhenne has been a Paralegal at Murrelle, Hughes & Majstoravich, P.A. in Morehead City, North Carolina, since 2015. She works with all personal injury cases, including automobile bodily injury, premise liability, and medical malpractice, as well as other civil litigation cases. She strives to be the best at her job in communications with the client, investigation, and problem solving. She became a North Carolina State Bar Certified Paralegal in 2024 and considers that one of her greatest achievements in her career. She takes a lot of pride in what she is able to do with the cases post settlement, negotiating with health insurance companies and medical providers in order to maximize the client’s recovery.
Outside of work she enjoys spending time with her husband, daughter, and family, taking care of their animals, art, music, working out, traveling, and most things equestrian, including judging horse shows. She is currently a member of the session at Grace Presbyterian Church, Carteret Community College Paralegal Advisory Board as well as a board member of Crystal Coast Habitat for Humanity. She has a bachelor’s degree in Hispanic Studies and did exchange student programs in Córdoba, Argentina and Quito, Ecuador between 2007 and 2008, and speaks and writes in Spanish.
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