How to Survive Practicing Law While Being a Caregiver – Part One
Twenty-four years ago, I received a call to let me know that my mother needed to be admitted to the hospital. For me, this phone call was the beginning of a fifteen-year period of caregiving which lasted until my mother’s death. I became responsible for my mother’s care all day, every day for fourteen of those fifteen years.
I was part of a two-attorney practice that did not have a family leave policy. I had to adjust my work schedule to accommodate caring for my mother, including managing and overseeing caregivers in her home. In many ways, I was lucky in that resources were available for care; that documents were in place to allow me to step in and handle my mother’s affairs; and that I was not directly denied the opportunity to take care of my family. Many people in our profession are not so lucky.
Lawyers are expected to be available without excuses, and rigid, non-negotiable deadlines are a part of our daily lives. As a result, caregiving is seen as a professional liability. I had to cobble together relief from colleagues and friends. Balancing a demanding legal career with caring for a sick family member for fifteen years was the most difficult thing I have ever done.
We must normalize caregiving in all its forms if lawyers who encounter family obligations – most often women – are going to survive in our profession, and, therefore, if our profession is going to survive.
As I learned, caregiving responsibilities can begin not only at the end of a long-planned pregnancy but also after a ten-minute phone call. Thus, here are the lessons that I can offer to colleagues facing a similar dilemma.
Planning is your friend
For those who will be providing care to a newborn, in 2019, General Rule of Practice 26 was amended to allow for twelve additional weeks of leave after the birth or adoption of a child. This period may be taken at any time up to twenty-four weeks after birth or adoption. GRP 26 (b)(2). While this rule may be a limited relief for new parents, it is a step in the right direction. However, having only twelve weeks to work with means that you need to plan well in advance with a spouse or domestic partner about how to handle childcare, illness, and emergencies, taking into consideration available benefits, including family leave. For attorneys, this means more than just the use of General Rule of Practice 26 but includes using employer-provided leave and supporting colleagues when they need leave.
Ask for forgiveness when planning is not possible
Collegial professional relationships saved me, and building them is key to survival. My partner and fellow attorneys were willing to handle matters or to continue them when I could not. I was able to do this because the relationships I had with these people allowed grace. Build that grace early, and keep building it; the continuance you give with grace today may pay karmic rewards tomorrow.
Be the change you seek
Make supportive family policy a priority in your job selection and in the firms or organizations where you have influence or a leadership role. I am fortunate that I work with people who value family. Nevertheless, there was a price to be paid in revenue and activities. We knew that the other had obligations and part of the agreement was that we helped the other. The culture of your employer is important, whether large or small, as to whether you are helped or penalized when obligations outside of work arise. Talk to your employer if there is no policy about leave and family responsibilities as early as the interview process. Investigate the policies of larger employers and ask about them while negotiating your employment. Further, understand that taking every extra assignment or activity that gives you visibility is not possible, and normalize it, if not for yourself, then for your colleagues. The expectation of hard work and long hours will never disappear, but the toll it takes on us as professionals must evolve. This change shouldn’t apply only to women attorneys, as both men and women will inevitably face caregiving responsibilities.
Demographics are destiny. As my generation leaves the profession, change is coming whether we are ready or not. Use this change to your advantage or leverage it as a supervisor or employer. In 2022, the American Bar Association Profile of the Legal Profession reported that there were 14,000 more female students than male students in United States law schools. Our profession will depend on either accommodating the people who are historically the caregivers or losing a large swath of new attorneys. As a profession, we will survive or fail based on how well we handle this not-so-new reality.