Rebuilding Bonds: How Reunification Therapy Supports Families in Custody Cases
More than a court order, reunification therapy gives families the chance to rebuild what conflict has broken.
The Human Side of Custody Disputes
In family law, some of the most painful cases aren’t about property or even money—they’re about children who resist contact with a parent. For attorneys and judges, these situations can be incredibly complex. For families, they can be heartbreaking.
Amanda Crowder, LCSW, of Calming Waters Counseling Services, said she was drawn to this work because she wants courts to better understand the mental health dynamics behind custody cases. “This work is special, and it needs to be done well,” she explained. Her colleague, Julianna Elsworth, LCSW, added that at its core, reunification therapy is about “honoring the relationship with both parents,” even when conflict has made that relationship difficult.
What Reunification Therapy Really Means
Reunification therapy (often called “RT”) is not about making a child suddenly love a parent again. It is a therapeutic process in which a mental health professional helps children and parents re-establish safe, functional relationships.
Elsworth put it simply: “Reunification means we provide a space for healing. Sometimes that space looks like a child finally telling their parent how they really feel. Other times, it looks like parents learning to apologize and change.”
Inside the Therapy Room
At Calming Waters Counseling Services in Charlotte, families usually enter RT through a court order or attorney referral. Once there, the process is rarely linear.
Crowder described it this way: “Everyone’s starting point looks different. At our practice, we try to streamline it, but collaboration is key. If people aren’t willing to collaborate—from parents to attorneys to the court—the process won’t work.”
Therapists often begin with individual sessions, then carefully introduce joint meetings. Progress might look like writing letters, sharing a meal, or just having a short but positive conversation.
Benefits Beyond the Courtroom
When it works, reunification therapy can transform families. Children gain a sense of security, parents learn healthier ways to communicate and the overall level of conflict often decreases.
Elsworth emphasized that the ultimate goal is giving children space to be heard and the chance to form relationships with both parents: “Better outcomes for kids come when their voices are respected and their relationships are supported,” she said.
Challenges Along the Way
Of course, reunification therapy is not without obstacles. Non-collaboration is the biggest barrier. Sometimes the resistance comes from the child; other times from a parent—or even an attorney.
Crowder explained, “You’re already going into the process knowing that at least one person doesn’t want to do it. It could be the child, a parent, or even an attorney creating a barrier. That lack of collaboration is the hardest part.”
Systemic issues also play a role. With judges rotating dockets and cases stretching on for years, therapists often feel like the child’s voice is lost. As Elsworth put it, “Family court should keep the child at the forefront—right, wrong, or indifferent.”
Signs of Success
How do therapists know when reunification is working? Progress doesn’t always mean hugs and smiles.
Crowder explained: “The biggest indicator is that the case keeps moving. If you’re not stuck—if there’s communication, joint sessions, or even a letter being written—that’s progress.”
A breakthrough moment, they explained, is when the child is no longer in the middle of the conflict. If a child can make their own determination about their relationship without carrying the weight of parental disputes, therapy has succeeded.
When It Doesn’t Work
Not all reunification efforts succeed. Sometimes mental health issues, safety concerns, or entrenched resistance make continued therapy inappropriate.
As Crowder noted, “We’re not investigators. If safety issues come up, our job is to validate and reframe, and make sure kids have the skills to be safe. But sometimes we have to say: this is done.”
The Reward for Therapists
Despite the challenges, both therapists find deep meaning in this work.
Crowder reflected, “What brings me joy is seeing other people care about kids being happy and healthy—even if it means one party has to acknowledge they’re not a good parent. Advocating for the child in a system where they’re often unheard is powerful.”
Elsworth added: “I love giving kids the autonomy to express themselves and find empowerment in situations they didn’t create. Sometimes I tell them, ‘This is really awful, but it’s happening because you are so loved.’ That can change how they see themselves in the middle of all the conflict.”
Looking Forward
As reunification therapy becomes more common in North Carolina, it’s clear that both the legal and mental health systems have room to grow. Crowder and Elsworth emphasized the need for education, collaboration, and even new models like the MMST (Multimodal Systemic Therapy) approach, which assigns a neutral professional as a “team lead” to coordinate the case.
For attorneys, the message is clear: reunification therapy is not just another box to check. It is a chance to help families heal in ways that court orders alone cannot achieve.