A Letter to My Younger Self
By Dear 26-year-old Jonathan,
Congratulations are in order. You’ve worked hard, graduated from law school, and passed the North Carolina Bar Exam! You’re the first person in your family, immediate or extended, to obtain a graduate degree and reach these new heights. Your family is so proud of you and brags on you every opportunity they get.
You’ll think that you have arrived. You’ve made it. You’re on your way to Easy Street and everything that comes along with it: the corner office, the BMW with all the bells and whistles, the deluxe apartment in the sky.
But wait a minute and pump your brakes, as that is far from the case. Now the real work begins. You will encounter and go through things that law school and the bar exam did not prepare you for. You’ll start applying to jobs that you’re interested in and think you’re a good fit for; however, it seems like you will hear a million noes or “no, thank you” and sometimes no response at all before you’re finally able to land something. You’ll be hurt, discouraged, second guess yourself, wonder if you’re smart enough, and wonder if you have what it takes to be “successful,” but you won’t give up. You’ll persevere, you’ll grind it out, and your friends and family will support and encourage you, and have your back no matter what. Finally, you’ll land that first job, and you’ll happily accept it.
In this first job, it’s not your ultimate landing spot, but you’ll be grateful for the opportunity, and you’ll learn a lot. You will also meet some really smart and cool people who will be your friends long after you’re no longer co-workers. However, you will also encounter some negative things. Remember when I said you’ll encounter some things that law school and the bar exam did not prepare you for? Well, you’ll get your first taste here. You’ll encounter microaggressions and subtle (and sometimes not-so-subtle) racism. Those thoughts of not being good enough and second-guessing yourself will begin to flood your mind again, and now, you’ll question if you fit into the legal profession at all. You’ll do a good job of hiding it externally, but internally, those feelings will be there. These thoughts and feelings are only intensified as you’ll oftentimes feel alone and will not encounter many attorneys who look like you to turn to for mentorship and sponsorship. These thoughts will get worse as you’ll see statistics about how Black Americans make up five percent of all attorneys nationwide. Read that again . . . five percent. That’s one in twenty, five out of one hundred, fifty out of one thousand, and so on, just so we’re clear. But again, you’ll persevere and grind it out. You won’t listen to the noise, and you’ll continue to rise above it all, although those thoughts and feelings will still be there from time to time.
Around this time, at the suggestion of some people you look up to and admire, you’ll get involved with the North Carolina Bar Association. You will apply and be selected as a member of the NCBA’s Leadership Academy Class of 2017. While participating in the Leadership Academy, you will continue meeting some really amazing and smart people who will continue supporting and uplifting you, not only professionally, but personally, and many of whom you still keep in touch with today and consider your friends. You will also learn about yourself and begin cultivating your leadership skills. After you complete the Leadership Academy, you’ll get plugged in with the NCBA Young Lawyers Division to continue scratching that itch of having community within the legal profession and developing your leadership skills.
Meanwhile, professionally, you’ll continue to grind, hustle, and cultivate your legal skills. You will not be in your ultimate landing spot, but you’ll again meet some really amazing colleagues who you’ll enjoy working with but at the same time, you’ll again encounter some of those instances that law school and the bar exam did not fully prepare you for. You’ll have some difficult work experiences that make you question if you belong and if you have what it takes to be successful. But again, you’ll pick yourself up and persevere. Are you sensing a recurring theme here? You’ll continue surrounding yourself with really amazing and really smart people. But not only that, you’ll start to realize you need to care of yourself, not just physically, but also mentally. In addition to the statistics regarding the lack of Black attorneys, you’ll hear about the number of attorneys who struggle with anxiety, depression, and substance abuse.
At first, you’ll be a little reluctant and hesitant to truly get serious about your mental health. I mean, think about it, you’ve been trained and taught to be “strong” and not show any “weaknesses.” But at the same time, you know you need to do something about these recurring thoughts and feelings. So, you will start taking the appropriate steps and you will realize taking care of your mental health is not all that bad and does not make you weak. As a matter of fact, it feels kind of good and kind of refreshing so to speak. You will learn a lot about yourself that will allow you to continue growing, both personally and professionally.
After some time, you start to realize you really do belong and you really do have what it takes to be successful. You will find yourself working with smart people who truly care for you as an attorney and an individual. You will have the opportunity to work on cool projects and transactions that will grow you as an attorney. Not only that, you will continue making moves with the NCBA. You will even be named YLD Chair! Can you believe it? You did not think you had what it takes to be successful when you first started out, but now look at you! You are doing everything that you have ever dreamed of and even some things you never imagined.
But I must warn you . . . everything will not be peachy keen and rainbows and butterflies, but now you are equipped with the tools and resources to navigate the ups and downs of everything. Over the years, you will learn some tips and tricks that help you navigate these ups and downs. Let me share a few of them with you.
First, confide in your friends & family. These are the people who have championed you since the very beginning. They have loved and supported you for years and only want to see you succeed, so do not be afraid to confide in them.
Second, find a mentor. A good mentor will be vital to the success of your legal career. A good mentor will also share their personal experiences, trials, and tribulations, and provide priceless advice regarding avoiding or working through potential career pitfalls. Whatever issue or problem might arise, an experienced and open mentor has probably gone through it before and can provide invaluable insight.
Third, do not be afraid to take care of your mental health and seek professional help. You are well aware that stigmas exist in most minority communities regarding therapy and mental health (remember how you are taught to be “strong” and not show any “weaknesses”) but please, please, please (I cannot stress this enough), please seek a therapist when facing difficulty or those thoughts occasionally arise. No one will judge you for it; seeing a therapist can alleviate individual stress, and talking about therapy experiences may begin to dissolve stigmas associated with seeing a therapist and mental health. You may be worried that therapy costs too much or if your insurance covers it, but there are programs to help and alleviate this. The North Carolina State Bar and North Carolina Bar Association offer a resource called “Lawyers Assistance Program (LAP)” and “BarCares,” both confidential programs designed to offer low or no-cost assistance for North Carolina attorneys dealing with problems stemming from depression, anxiety, substance abuse, financial issues, and other causes.
Fourth, make time for yourself. Personal time is vital to mental health. Please make sure you carve out some time to indulge in your personal hobbies. Whether it is exercising, catching up on your favorite TV show, crafting, staying rooted in your spirituality, or whatever it is you like to do. Just make sure to clear your mind and try not to think about whatever difficulties you may be facing at the time.
Fifth, forgive yourself and allow yourself to make mistakes. No one is perfect. There is not an attorney out there who has been practicing long enough that they have not made a mistake. Do not let the fear of failure stop you from honing your skills and perfecting your craft. The key is not to let the mistake make or break you, but to learn and grow from it.
Sixth, run your race. This is a big one. Remember those negative thoughts and feelings you felt before? You previously often found yourself comparing yourself to others, which can ultimately lead to discouragement and feelings of depression. If you saw someone land a new job or receive a promotion, you would question your own self-worth, begin to wonder if something was wrong with you, or if you were good enough. You often found yourself caught in the comparison trap and not running your own race.
The 26th President of the United States, Theodore Roosevelt, is credited with the saying, “comparison is the thief of joy.” If we are truly honest with ourselves, I am sure we have all been guilty of comparing ourselves to others at one point or another. We may all do it, but as Grammy-nominated artist and fellow North Carolinian J. Cole once said, “there’s no such thing as a life that’s better than yours” and “there’s beauty in the struggle, ugliness in the success.” We all go through our individual struggles and unique challenges, so run your race, learn from those struggles, and let those struggles and challenges make you better, continue to perfect your craft, and get better each day.
If I were a betting man (I am not for the record), I would be willing to bet there are other young lawyers who have similar stories and experiences to yours. As such, I challenge you to reach back, teach, mentor, encourage, and guide someone like yourself. I truly believe our generation can effect positive change in our profession, and I believe we all have greatness in us, but we must first take care of ourselves.
Jonathan Bogues is the 2023-2024 Chair of the Young Lawyers Division.