A Letter to My Younger Self

Kayla, a woman with dark brown hair, wears a pale pink blouse, bright pink jacket, and gold fairy pin on the lapel.By Kayla Britt

Dear 11-year-old Kayla,

As you sit in your treatment chair, taking intravenous chemotherapy treatments for 12 hours at a time, watching Mary Kate and Ashley movies and making crafts, fighting the nausea and fatigue, wondering what your future may hold, trust me when I tell you that you will live a “normal” life and that you exceed every expectation you have ever had for yourself.

People will tell you that you will not graduate high school on time due to Lupus and absences, and you will snap back at them that you will. And you’re right, you will. And that snappy little attitude follows you for the rest of your life.

Up to this point you’ve always had great grades, you love school, you are sad that you cannot be in school every day, but there will come times when you decide that you are too scared to try things. Softball? You’ll say you might not be good at it. Debate team? You’ll say other people are better. And that fear will follow you into adulthood. You go to law school. I know you cannot believe that, but you do. While you’re in law school you will avoid writing on law review, participating in moot court, and applying to certain internships and jobs because you think that those things are for the students who are smarter than you.  When you are offered a clerkship after graduation, you will tell the judge all the reasons why you are not the best person for the job. Take it from older you, you can do anything you want. There will always be someone who can do it better, but you will never be good at it if you don’t try.

Stop allowing your fears of failure or inadequacy to hold you back from everything you want. You will fail, you will face embarrassing moments, but you will also find that you are a resilient, hardworking young lady. Eventually, you will exude confidence that others admire. Do things afraid. Do the very things you think you’re not good enough to do and do them to the best of your ability. That’s all I can really ask of you. But Kayla, don’t close doors for yourself. If 32-year-old you can leave you with anything, it is that you’ve been given a beautiful life, you don’t settle, you are fearless, you do hard things, and the best part is, you spread your love to the world. You have so much to look forward to.

Kayla Britt serves as the 2023-24 YLD Division Director. 

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