In October 2020, I wrote about the weaponization of the charge of parental alienation in family court, and how it obscures the multiple legitimate reasons children have for rejecting contact with a parent.

In 2022, three influential organizations took a public position on this issue of parent-child contact problems. The American Professional Society Against Child Abuse (APSAC) is the leading national organization supporting professionals who serve children and families affected by child maltreatment and violence. Over the years, APSAC has repeatedly opposed the harmful presumption among many family court professionals that parental alienation is the reason for a child refusing contact with the other parent. In its most recent position statement, APSAC warns that a rush to blame one parent for the child’s aversion to contact with the other parent results in professionals failing to investigate allegations of abuse or mistreatment and making recommendations that are detrimental to the child’s best interests.

Instead of presuming that parental alienation is the source of the problem, APSAC urges professionals to investigate other potential causes by asking the following questions:

Has the child been maltreated or abused (physically, sexually, emotionally) by the parent who is making the charge of parental alienation?
Has the child witnessed the parent abuse their siblings or the other parent?
Is the parent mentally unstable?
Has a parent’s history of substance abuse affected the relationship with the child?
Was the parent minimally involved with raising the child prior to the separation?
Does the child have much more in common with one parent based on gender, race, or culture?

In August 2022, two more organizations took a public position about the need for professionals to consider all the reasons a child may resist contact with a parent. The interdisciplinary Association for Family and Conciliation Courts (AFCC) and the National Council of Juvenile and Family Court Judges (NCJFCJ) issued a joint statement on parent-child contact problems.

Their statement urges family law practitioners to fully consider all factors that may contribute to children resisting contact with a parent. They recommend regular and ongoing training for family court professionals on the numerous factors related to parent-child contact problems including intimate partner violence, substance abuse, inappropriate parenting, a child responding to a parent’s abusive treatment, or one parent seeking to manipulate the child against the other parent.

At The Child’s advocate, our experience as children’s attorneys has taught us that even in the tiny fraction of cases we see where one parent has successfully turned the child against the other parent, there are invariably other factors contributing to the child’s estrangement. Although most of our clients do not reject all contact with either parent, many children we represent do have legitimate reasons for not wanting a 50/50 custodial arrangement, the schedule often sought by parents and their attorneys in family court and regularly encouraged by family court professionals.

Our clients’ reasons usually include one or more of the following: overly harsh and critical parenting, a parent’s lack of engagement with the child prior to the breakup of the family, a child who has always felt much closer to one parent, a parent who does not accept the child’s gender identity or sexual orientation, a parent who is unable to care for a child with special needs, or a stepparent who bad-mouths the child’s other parent. And sometimes, for a whole range of reasons, children don’t want to have to pack their bags and switch households every week to make what researcher Carol Smart calls the “physical journey between two emotional landscapes.”

As children’s attorneys, we endeavor to bring the child’s experiences in both households to the foreground so that the Court receives all relevant information — not least of which are the child’s perspective and preferences.

January 4, 2023/by JuvenileJustice