Learning to Say No (Professionally)

By Katie Riddle

Why does the word “no,” a two-letter, concise word, carry such a heavy weight when used in a professional setting?

I think of the use of the word “no” in my personal life. My husband may ask if we should have dinner at one restaurant, and I am not anxious or worried when I respond “no, I would prefer eating at this particular restaurant.” Or I think of the times when I have to say no to my sweet dogs that are just begging for their fifth treat for the day. So why is it so hard to use the word “no” professionally?

I have always been a person to push for more: more opportunities, more education, and more opportunities to thrive at everything I do. I am also the type of person who believes you can never learn enough, whether that be by way of formal education or through various life experiences. Ever since I was a child, I was a go-getter, so naturally, I continued as such in my role as a paralegal. But how long can that go-getter mentality truly be maintained before you begin to struggle with the repercussions of your lack of using the word “no”?

As I became a more experienced paralegal, my go-getter attitude often conflicted with other priorities. I found that I was truly fearful of saying no when a new opportunity would come my way. It felt as though there was a quota on the use of “no,” such as, “You may only say no three times.” If you used it three times, then future opportunities would no longer come your way.

For many paralegals, it is in our nature to strive to be the best that we can be, not just in our work, but in our personal lives as well – whether being the best means engaging in an opportunity to learn more about a particular new area of law, or by completing the day so we can spend time with our families without a looming workload. We also want to help others and be involved within our community. This is especially true for me.

Community service is, and will always be, a true passion of mine. Whenever a potential opportunity was presented to me, I never said no. I was finally doing what I imagined as a legal professional: working as a paralegal and engaging in as many pro bono projects as possible. I ultimately found myself saying yes to every single opportunity that came my way. Through this work, I have had the pleasure to meet and work with so many wonderful and amazing individuals. All because I was willing to open my heart and mind and say yes. I enjoyed my times of saying yes. That is, until it became too much.

I remember the moment where I said yes too many times. Life got in the way, and I was too prideful to say that I could not do it. I struggled with saying no because the work meant so much to me. My role in that particular project and the work I would have done, although small, would have a profound impact on so many people. I felt honored to be involved in the project, so it crushed me when I sent the dreaded email saying, “I could not do it.” And can you imagine the response I received? “It’s nice to know that you can say no!”

That is when I realized that I was doing a disservice to myself and to the people who would benefit from this project by letting my pride continue to get in the way.

Saying no in the professional sense is not always as dangerous as I once thought it was. “No” does not mean “I don’t want to help you.” It is more of, “it’s not that I do not want to do the work, but I do not have the capability or the capacity to do it now,” or “this project is so impactful and it seems like great work, but it deserves someone who can put in the time it requires,” or any other reason that you can think of.

Remember, it is okay to say no!

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