The Year of the Mask
I love when the new year rolls around. I know that time really has no boundaries, and December 31 rolls effortlessly into January 1 with no fireworks of its own accord. But the thought of starting anew is exhilarating to many people, and the New Year’s resolutions that everyone talks about are a result of this excitement. It is as if we are shedding off the old and physically stepping into a new year. In January of 2020, I was enrolled in a Bachelor of Science program at the University of North Carolina at Pembroke, looking to buy a house, and had sworn off wine and any kind of unhealthy food. I had such high hopes for the coming year.
By the end of January, the apartment my husband and I were living in was put on the market, and we had less than two weeks to find a new place to live and move. Obviously, that wasn’t enough time to close on a house, so we scrambled to find another rental and had to pack and move within a week. The community group we attend through our church were there for us during this time, and a dozen people showed up to assist us on move day. Little did we know that just two months later, the number of people who showed up to help us move that day would be an illegal number of individuals to have together at one time.
COVID-19 is a new term, but it is one that most people are very familiar with even though it has not yet been a year since it has been coined. For some, it brings fear; for others, sadness; and for others, questions. No matter the connotation, I think it is safe to say that just about everyone in our country, if not the entire world, has been either directly or indirectly affected by it.
I personally have extended family members who have lost loved ones as a direct result of COVID-19. In May, my family received devastating news when my grandfather was diagnosed with stage 4 renal cell cancer that had metastasized to his lungs. Just one month before that, I had seen him in person and his health seemed better than it had in years, so this came as a shock to my family.
Because of COVID-19 hospital restrictions, he spent weeks in the hospital alone without anyone able to visit. When he was released, no one could see him because he could not risk infection. When he was admitted again in July, my grandmother was allowed to stay, and we were finally told that two people could go in at a time to see him because it was end-of-life circumstances. By that time, his organs were shutting down, and he was on a morphine drip. This was the last time I saw him alive. He was largely unresponsive, as he passed later that evening. Because of COVID-19, the funeral was a very low-key event with only immediate family members attending in masks. I know so many people who have lost friends and family members in similar ways.
Many of us have experienced or know someone who has experienced personal loss because of the virus. We were not anticipating these losses, and we also did not foresee the day-to-day changes that were ahead. Work and school have changed drastically for most people. Parents who were previously employed full-time in the office found themselves working from home while “homeschooling” with no preparation in advance. I personally have never experienced something as mentally taxing as trying to be productive in a full-time job while running a household, taking care of a 9-year old and making sure he is getting a proper education, all while not being able to leave the house except to go to the grocery store. I think most people in similar circumstances can agree that March through May was a shock to our systems. We were not prepared and had no idea how to navigate these unknown waters.
By the time summer arrived, 2020 could easily be dubbed “The Year of the Mask.” We were mandated not only to wear a mask whenever leaving the house but also to adopt a metaphorical mask that said, “I’m fine. Everything’s fine.”
After all, we still have to pay bills, our kids still have to get an education, and those who have been fortunate enough not to be laid off still have to perform in our jobs. But behind the mask, so many people have been struggling. We can’t just escape our homes and go untethered to the gym, the store, the movie theater, the coffee shop, or the local brewery to meet up with a friend and blow off some steam. Many of us have either lost jobs or our income has decreased, and we have had to pick up side jobs just to make ends meet, which increases our stress load.
Those of us in full-time jobs who cannot work from home and have children have had to juggle childcare and virtual schooling. The number of people reporting symptoms of depression, anxiety, and substance abuse issues has risen drastically since the beginning of the pandemic. Yet so many people are still wearing this mask of “I’m okay,” and this denial can be even more dangerous than the hidden symptoms themselves.
Even as we enter the holiday season, we have little hope that normalcy will return anytime soon. As North Carolina remains paused in Phase 3, and as of November 13, the indoor gathering limits are reduced from 25 to 10, we know that Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year’s will definitely look different than they did a year ago.
NCDHHS already recommends that virtual family togetherness is the safest choice. If people do travel, it is suggested to quarantine and get tested for COVID-19 before gathering with family in person. Many people will be unable to follow the latter protocol for financial or health reasons and will have to go with the virtual option. Still others who do not usually spend the holidays with family but spend it with friends or neighbors will be unable to do so. It is to be expected that the holiday blues will affect many more people this year and may affect those who have not had mental health issues in the past.
Attorneys and paralegals are often plagued by higher job stress than many other professions because of the high standards expected in the legal field. The circumstances of the pandemic have dramatically increased this stress in many areas of law. Unfortunately, attorneys and paralegals often feel like they cannot take off their emotional masks even after they leave the office because they have to keep it together for the next day. The lack of outlets for stress relief due to COVID-19 restrictions makes this even more difficult.
I personally chose to seek virtual counseling in April. I needed some sort of outlet to discuss my stressors and learn better ways to handle them without worrying about burdening other people in my life who were also struggling. Some of you reading this may wonder why I am being open about that. It is because I have a firm belief that the stigma around mental health and seeking help for it needs to disappear.
The North Carolina Bar Association partners with HRC Behavioral Health & Psychiatry, P.A. in a program called BarCARES. This program offers assistance to NCBA members who are experiencing stress, depression, anxiety, family issues, substance abuse, financial concerns, and work issues. Law students who are NCBA members can also be counseled regarding any of these issues, in addition to assistance with student-related stress and time management. This program is a one-time, three-session offer at no cost regardless of whether the member has health insurance. If you are an attorney, paralegal, or law student NCBA member who has never used BarCARES before and is experiencing increased stress or any of the issues listed above, please visit this page to schedule your free session.
Remember that your emotional mask should be removed as often as your cloth one, and it should receive the same amount of care. There is strength, not weakness, in admitting you need help. Especially if you know that the holidays will bring even more stress and sadness, there is no better time to confidentially learn coping mechanisms from a trained professional at no cost to you.
Rachel Royal is a State Bar Certified Paralegal for the Wilmington City Attorney’s office. She supports two attorneys who handle city Police, Fire, Litigation, and Employment issues for the City. She lives in Wilmington, N.C. with her husband Reuben, and their children, Phoenix and Christian. Mrs. Royal grew up in the Appalachian Mountains and enjoys reading, writing, cooking, music, weightlifting, and outdoor activities. She graduated with honors from Carteret Community College in May 2017, as the recipient of the Paralegal Technology Graduate of the Year Award. She has been involved with the Paralegal Division since 2015 as a student member, won the NCBA Paralegal Student scholarship in 2016, and has been a Council Member and Pro Bono Co-Chair since May 2018. Mrs. Royal’s goal as a division member is to inspire paralegals to feel pride in their career and promote involvement in pro bono services across the state.
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